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Emancipate Your Mind: 005: Understanding the Conflict Cycle in Relationships with Marriage Therapist, Kevin Hales

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We love our partners and our parents, but we all know the special kind of torture it can be to experience a conflict cycle with the people we love most.

You know what I’m talking about.

It’s a kind of “dance” we engage in when we’re upset with one another. We almost know how the conflict is going to go as soon as we get started. There’s a pattern we follow.

Someone does something that triggers the other one of us, and before we know it, we’re no longer talking about what just happened 2 minutes ago…we’re dredging up old hurts and annoyances from 10 years ago.

We’re accusing the other person of leaving their dirty underwear on the floor ON PURPOSE and the other person comes back with how annoying it is that we scrape our teeth on the fork when we eat spaghetti.

Before long, we can’t even really remember why we started fighting in the first place and we may even feel embarrassed or ashamed for our participation in the cycle at all.

This episode with Licensed Professional Counselor, Kevin Hales, normalizes the cycle, explains the different parts of what is happening when we begin to spiral in our conflict…and more importantly, helps us figure out how to get out of our negative conflict cycles and start working through conflict in ways that are more healthy and constructive.

While listening to this episode, you’ll want to pull up the graphic at the link below as Kevin explains the different parts of the conflict cycle and how we can drop out of the pattern and get to the heart of the matter more readily.

If you’re committed to recognizing and working through your conflict cycles in more productive ways, he recommends printing the graphic at the link above and hanging it someplace you’ll see it and can refer to it readily the next time you find yourself in an argument.

If you have specific questions about how this cycle plays out in your relationship or have specific questions you’d like answers to…you’re in luck! We’ll discuss in depth about the things mentioned in this podcast in the Facebook group this week. And BONUS: Kevin will be going live to answer individual questions on Friday, February 5, 2021 in the group. Make sure to click the link and join us before that happens.

Or if you want to follow me for religious and psychological insights, commentary on events in the world, links to other people doing great work related to religion, and little windows into my real life, follow me on Instagram or Reddit @EmancipatedMolly or Twitter @EmancipatedTeri


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